Not All the News Is Bad. . .

Not All the News Is Bad. . .
Vol: 68 Issue: 25 Friday, May 25, 2007

Not All the News Is Bad. . .

Actually, I suppose that title is a bit misleading. Mostly, ALL the news IS bad, but some of it is kind of funny. If you are at all like me, you could use a laugh after all the heavy news of the week.

The Democrats have dug in their heels on the issue of funding the Iraq War, vowing to continue to use the purse strings to force the White House to bend to their will, despite the 80-14 Senate vote approving another temporary funding measure without a surrender timeline attached.

Every one of the Democratic hopefuls in the Senate voted against the bill, with the exception of Joe Biden, who doesn’t have the hope of a snowball in, well, you know where, of winning anyway.

Hillary Clinton voted against it. So did Barack Hussein Obama (no surprise there) John Edwards also voted against funding the war effort, but, like Clinton and Obama, all claimed that they refused to support the troops BECAUSE they support the troops.

It reminds me of a deadbeat parent demanding a Parent of the Year award for refusing to pay child support as a measure aimed at forcing his/her ex-spouse to get a job. After all, the ex can make more money from a full time paycheck than from child support.

Ipso facto, by not paying child support, he/she is supporting a better lifestyle for his/her kids.

(“See? I support the kids. I just oppose the ex.”)

Most judges are Democrats, so it ought to make sense to them. It could open up a whole new line of defense in criminal non-support prosecutions.

Clinton knows better, but she is pandering to the extreme left because she can FEEL the nomination slipping from her grasp.

Obama doesn’t know any better, but he doesn’t care, as long as he can clinch the nomination and become the first black Christian named Hussein and educated in an Islamic madrassas to be elected president during a war against guys mostly named Hussein and primarily educated in Islamic madrassas.

John Edwards knows better, but has irrefutable evidence that the voters of the Far Left are, umm, er, well, gee, what’s the right word? Ummm, stupid? No, that’s not it.

(Is there a word that means, really, really, REALLY stupid, but isn’t insulting? If there is, that’s the word I was looking for.)

Edwards recently defended his work for a hedge fund that earned him millions by claiming he wanted to learn about poverty. The richest man in his county back home in North Carolina took $55,000 in speaking fees from a university recently.

His topic? Poverty in America. His platform? “There are two Americas. One for the rich, and the other for the ‘rest of us’.”

But Edwards has great hair, which means he doesn’t actually have to worry about making sense.

Think Bill Clinton. Think John Kerry. Has there ever been a successful Democratic nominee who paid LESS than four hundred bucks for a haircut? Mike Dukkakis had lots of hair, but looked like his wife cut it for him in his kitchen.

(Who is Mike Dukkakis, you ask? I rest my case.)

While American forces find themselves on the battlefield hoping that the enemy will drop some of his ammunition they can use until the Democrats stop supporting them and start buying them bullets again, the Congress recently approved the “Guam World War II Loyalty Act by a vote of 288-113.

That bill; “. . .directs the Secretary of the Treasury to make specified payments to: (1) living Guam residents who were KILLED, injured, interned, or subjected to forced labor or marches resulting from, or incident to, such occupation and subsequent liberation. . .”

I am sure the living Guam residents killed by the Japanese sixty years ago are grateful to hear that their deaths did not go unnoticed by a grateful Democratic-controlled Congress.

Former President Jimmy Carter’s recent assessment of the Bush administration as the ‘worst presidency’ in US history was widely reported by the US media and re-broadcast across the Middle East.

Not so widely reported were the results of a coincidental poll jointly conducted by the Wall Street Journal and the Federalist Society.

The poll divided the respondents according to party. Republicans put Bush sixth from the top. DEMOCRATS ranked Carter sixth from the bottom.

Overall, including Democrats, Bush ranked 19th out of 40, a hair above dead average.

Including the Republican assessment, Carter STILL came out sixth from the bottom.

(Finally! Some bi-partisan consensus! Look out, al-Qaeda! America is united again!)

A recent mainstream news report headlined “Children Are Bad For the Planet” argued that each child a family DOESN’T have will reduce global warming.

(Liberal math. If you want to leave the planet a fit place for your grandchildren, then you shouldn’t have children. Sort of like the liberal plan to save Social Security for future generations by encouraging the abortion of the next generation of workers.)

The Washington Post recently headlined its liberal credentials in a column by Sally Quinn. Describing her feelings about Barack Obama, she crowed;

“Now, I am from Savannah, Ga. I had never in my life not noticed whether someone was black or white. I felt an overwhelming sense of exhilaration. It was possible, then, to see someone as just another person, regardless of color. I felt good about myself.”

(In other words, “I’m not racist. I think SOME people of color are just as good as white people!”)

Quinn blathers on; “I was reminded of this the other day watching Barack Obama. I realized that when I look at him, I don’t see a person of color. I see a really smart, appealing, thoughtful person.”

Does that mean that she thinks that most other ‘persons of color’ are NOT “smart, appealing and thoughtful?”

Readers at the uber-liberal Daily Kos posted comments about a column attacking Democrat Joe Liebermann for his support of the Iraq War. Liebermann, an observant Jew, refuses to sell out Israel’s future for political gain.

Wrote one reader, “Given a choice between my dog and Lieberman, I’d gas him [presumably, Liebermann. She seems to like her dog] without thinking twice.”

Responded another, evidently wanting to keep their agenda hidden, replied;

“I know you didn’t mean it that way, but a reference to gassing a Jew needs to be hidden.”

(Yeah. At least until after the anti-racist Democrats recapture the White House.)

A recent headline in the Chicago Tribune trumpeted; “Bill Clinton Courting Non-Voters.” (Lock up your daughters.)

Another headline, this time from the AP, informed its readers; “WHO Rejects Taiwan’s Bid for Membership”. (Who? If you have to ask . . . )

And then there is this startling bit of news from the AP’s Stunning Facts You Didn’t Know division: “Doctors: Pot Triggers Psychotic Symptoms” (If it didn’t, would anybody buy it?)

TownHall’s website carried the following ominous headline on May 9: “Romney: Wife Donated to Pro-Choice Group” (I guess he was getting tired of her?)

Iran is on the verge of having nuclear weapons that it promises to use to destroy Israel. Lebanese tanks are currently firing artillery shells indiscriminately into Palestinian ‘refugee’ camps.

The Democrats are trying to seize command and control of American forces on the battlefield from the Executive Branch by disarming them on the battlefield until the White House cries ‘Uncle’.

Iraqi civilians continue to die by the hundreds at the hands of Islamic terrorists. Twenty-six percent of American Muslims favor suicide bombings in support of Islam.

The San Jose Mercury found a REAL news story among all that fluff, however. “Squirrel Enters S. San Jose Classroom, Attacks Two Adults and a Student”

(Great. It isn’t enough we have to worry about unprovoked terror attacks by our own citizens. NOW we have to worry about macho squirrels. Oh, the inhumanity!)

Staying with the animal kingdom for one more moment, a headline in the Sheyboygan (Wi) Press reveals mankind isn’t taking unprovoked animal attacks lying down: “Man With Dementia Attacks Dog With Mallet”

(A guy would HAVE to be demented — or at least pretty brave — to take on a dog armed with a mallet.)

And then there is this reassuring headline about global warming: “UN Says Global Warming Is Confusing Birds and Whales” (Thank heavens! I thought it was only conservatives who were confused.)

It is clear to everybody except birds, whales and conservatives that existing weather forecasting technology can be depended on to forecast (accurately) the weather fifty years from now.

Look at how great they are doing with that same technology today. Here is the lead sentence from a report from Reuters last week:

“Temperatures and precipitation in the Midwest have an equal chance of being above or below normal in June, the National Weather Service said in its latest monthly forecast released on Thursday.”

(Buy an umbrella and plenty of sunblock. It’s gonna be a hot (or cool) rainy (or dry) June this year. It’s global warming! Or global cooling. Is that rain outside?)

And last, but not least, people in Fremont, Ohio are going to a special school to learn how to forget what they went there to learn:

“Dementia Training Scheduled for June 1 in Perrysburg”. (Where?)


In case you can’t tell, I was up all night signing books. I had to stop for the night when I spelled my name wrong. But I am halfway there (a wonderful ‘dilemma’ for which I am MOST grateful) and I expect to be finished today.

Thanks to all of you who’ve ordered a copy. I am both honored and humbled.

(Although I mean it in all sincerity, that last sentence seems a bit awkward. If the book doesn’t take off, however, I may have a future as a headline writer for the AP?)


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About Pete Garcia

Christian, father, husband, veteran, pilot, and sinner saved by grace. I am a firm believer in, and follower of Jesus Christ. I am Pre-Trib, Dispensational, and Non-Denominational (but I lean Southern Baptist).

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